Lipstick

Valentines night and after a couple of glasses of red wine I managed to focus my eyes for the romantic ‘5 way leaders’ debate’ on TV.

The first audience question was unsurprisingly about emigration and jobs. It set the tone to deadly serious as the respectable, grey haired gentlemen could not get out the words as he fought back the tears explaining where his three children had emigrated to. No more Saturday morning fry ups.

Enda Kenny participated and because Fine Gael are so strong he wasn’t under any pressure to ‘win’, just to avoid a big slip up. His confidence must have been boosted exponentially earlier in the day when Micheál Martin, leader of Fianna Fáil made one of those ‘please say it was only a dream’ statements on a par with the Obama Special Olympics baseball embarrassment.

He impersonated a Chinese person at a technology conference yesterday stating the Chinese opinion of Irish IT skills was:

‘You Irish vely good at software.’

Having conducted himself with impressive decorum considering the anger and hatred directed at himself and his party he managed to commit political suicide and offend 1.3 billion people in 2 seconds.

Enda Kenny must have shouted BINGO!

The party spin doctors had obviously been on the same website, ascribing to the well known psychological ‘red tie trick’-red tie matches red mouth and improves receptivity to advertising…

The green party candidate was the odd one out with a blue tie, which apparently prompts creativity (and maybe reminds us of wind and wave energy?) although we could be reading too much into the tie situation as John Gormley said that he just borrowed it off someone in the office at the last moment…..

Labour leader Eamon Gilmore held his own but unfortunately squabbled with Enda Kenny which made the option of a coalition look decidedly unattractive.

Gerry Adams at one point bit the head off Micheál Martin with his shiny, white gnashers ‘DON’T INTERUPT ME, I DIDN’T INTERUPT YOU’ Micheál  looked suitably terrified but impertinently answered back ‘yes you did’.

On a lighter note our entry for The Eurovision pong (popular song) contest, which has been very good to Ireland, spawning Riverdance and being a great showcase for the country and its talent, was chosen on Friday. ‘Lipstick’ was the winner, with our very own, terminally optimistic, hugely successful, and much adored JEDWARD.

It is an apt title as lipstick has been used historically to boost morale in times of conflict.

With rationing in WW2, when women were encouraged to make summer frocks out of three tea towels, lipstick was worn as an act of patriotism.

Put on the war paint, to win would mean a lot.

My mobile hairdresser (previously high-flying recruitment manager) pointed out that to up our odds from 16-1 we should have embraced modern Ireland and sent some sort of Polish or Ukrainian Jedward as that is where all the votes come from. But we will have to rely on the love of all 7 year old girls who have access to mobile phones.

By the way it was announced on the news yesterday that Enda Kenny was going to try and touch the US Federal Reserve for 50 billion. I cannot find anything, anywhere to confirm this story but hey… just thought I would warn you!